Remembering A Beast
by PeanutButterOreoCookieGirl
Summary: Light is in Canada on Halloween and the memories cause a bit of a crazy plan.
1. Chapter 1

_**An: Hey guys so he's one thats a lil different but I hope you like it.**_

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Light was out of his mind, he was sure. Despite his best efforts to hold back, a rippling laugh, harsh and metallic rung out in the cool night air. This night shouldn't have been celebrated. Not like this. Light's laugh turned into wrenching sobs and the formerly pristine suit was crumpled on the city ground. A Japanese boy folded with it.

He was far from his element, having gone to Canada for a case that seemed L-like to go after. That had been his mistake. Here he was in Toronto in October…unable to bring logic back…unable to control the damnable empty void taking him over. God he was so twisted, wasn't he? He'd made the biggest mistake of his life precisely one year ago and here living with it for just one night was so heavy a weight he couldn't get up. His beloved…

Why had he done it? For his precious god-complex? No…he'd been provoked. That's what he'd claimed for so long to himself, so in denial of his feelings…so aware that those feelings changed his whole being. He couldn't defend himself any longer. He knew he'd been so in love with the dark-haired panda…that their whole game was about not allowing the other the chance to use the feelings against them. Why had he even though it wouldn't hurt?

Light shivered and pressed his eyes shut, then open again to stare at the Canadian skies. Why did it even matter now? L was long gone and Light was lost so much more than he'd ever been. Light knew he'd never even be able to apologise…to change how it could have turned out. It haunted him the way the whole of his victims never would. Flipping over, Light pushed himself up. Back on two feet, tears streaking his face.

None of this would help, he knew. His only solution lay in the building he was headed to. Well aware he was facing a nightmare in disguise, Light could only swallow hard and wipe the tears with the end of his suit sleeve. That façade fell into place then, covering even the tell-tale swollen eyes and the hesitant breathing. He had to do this…for L. He owned the genius that much…if nothing else. With a final look to the sky Light shoved his hands in his pockets and strolled down the street, holding in the demented laughter that threatened again. God, he was so far gone from sanity wasn't he?

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**_A/N: Hey so hoped you all like chap 1. Shinkirou -Loveholic is the song I listened to writing this :)._**


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: So here is Chapter 2. I'm so grateful to Tarshil for the review. Hope you like this one.**_

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This…was impossible. He'd thought he was prepared but looking down the barrel of the gun, he knew he'd misjudged this beast. Too late to let more time tick by…too scared to move; Light let that facade fall and allowed the monster a glimpse at his interior. He'd not accounted for the utter different appearance of the man lying in front of him. He'd taken his time to explain things to the woman helping him. ...Not that she'd buckle and decide he'd gotten her in over their heads…she wouldn't and he could be sure of that if anything.

The creature struggled the whole time, telling them in a rasp that this was the end of it. No…the end of them. The beast had corrected himself. It had only made the drastic changes that much more satisfying to Light. When it was all done…all set up, he'd been unable to catch his breath, whispering a name he'd been unable to mutter even once for a year.

The blonde girl just shook her head sadly, sighing and turned around to walk out. He stopped her and without anything to say he let her go swallowing an apology he only half-meant.

God he was so beautiful. It was a shame really that this was all fake...that Light would wake up, a name on his lips and get dressed, act like it never happened…and leave a beautiful beast to decide a fate.

Straddling those legs, those creamy pale legs…it made Light shudder and hardened his resolve. This wasn't so impossible anymore. Shivering the body beneath him was so still it made him question what he should be wary of. That being said, the man tried to thrash again but Light's hands held the legs down as he slid closer still. Sitting in the lap of the beast Light ground himself against the beautiful costume, suddenly so eager to forget and just feel. He gasped that name again. 'Lawliet.' He gasped it again when the man ground up to meet him. Suddenly it was all too real to keep reality in his mind. God damn he was fucked wasn't he?

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_**A/N: ok... so confused...maybe... To be honest looking back on the rest of this story... Its ot as messed up as it had seemed at first... but then again it came from me..somewhere lol. Review please :) **_

_**Ps. I listened to **_**_Y__ou Fight Me ...& I Will Not Bow ...both are by Breaking Benjamin while writing this chap._**


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N:So HERE is the nity-grity and though it is -another- change of pace, I hope you like it. Don't worry...theres more messed-up**-ness** to happen. Enjoy

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They went through all the motions. The kissing even was something so foreign that Light nearly forgot that L had been the first to kiss him that way...the first to expose him that way. The kisses had turned to bites and the touches, turned to gripping tight. Lips and teeth dug in, hitting pulse points, just grazing that primal need that had always been in them. Light was well aware that the situation was reversed this time. L was in the cage, the cell, not Light. It still served them their purposes however and L was sliding both their pants off at once. Light was the one in control, and he'd pressed L up against the cold wall, pulling L's length. Suffering the cold only made them that much hotter and their lips met over L's shoulder, pushing tongues forwards and teeth gouging more than biting anymore.

There was almost a rhythm to the motions and Light briefly prepared L. His mind was reeling and there was a moment where he was sure the beast wanted to make him wait just to torture him and eat his heart out while it beats. The moment passed and Light thrust inside L, chest heaving. The room was filled with heavy breathing and Light was sure his heart was tripping because the biting ceased and he could only whisper in L's ear and strain to hear his replies.

"Oh god L I miss you."

"R-Raito-kun."

The shiver ran deep from L to Light who only whimpered, trying to keep the facade from failing. A kiss silenced the questions and Light was sure the mission of this had changed… Until L had pulled away and kicked his feet out from under him, and pinned Light to the floor.

Light wouldn't have it and the battle was on again as he tangled his legs with L's and flipped them over. Punching L in the stomach, Light grabbed L by the shoulder and forced a harsh kiss between them, pushing himself back into L.

Before the end of the night the both of them were sporting cuts and bruises everywhere. Love marks and scratches much deeper and darker than intended. By the end of it they were curled around each-other. L was watching Light. Light was watching L...And he almost believed it.

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_**A/N: So...reviews? I was listening to**_ Intoxication-the disturbed **_...which really brings out some disturbing ideas in my head lol._**


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